I Am Your Sunshine

I got nominated for a thing, a blog thing. Not an Oscar or a Pulitzer. I’m sure you didn’t really think I’d be getting either of those things. Or maybe you have a really high opinion of me and you’re like, it’s about time! That chick should have already had a Pulitzer. I know, I’m disappointed too, but one day. One day.

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I did get nominated for something pretty cool, The Sunshine Blogger Award. And I got nominated by someone even cooler than the award, My Dang Blog. Normally, I’m a bit of a curmudgeon about these things, but I was really needing something funny to write about because the world may be ending soon and it’s a little depressing. The questions I got absolutely provided me an opportunity to be funny, so I couldn’t pass it up.

And before I answer those questions I suppose I should tell you the rules, but I really don’t understand the rules and I have no idea if I did this correctly. Also, you really should read My Dang Blog because if you think this blog is funny you’re REALLY going to think My Dang Blog is funny. And if you don’t think this blog is funny, you’re still going to think My Dang Blog is funny, so just go read it and save me the hassle of a stern ‘I told you so’ later on in life.

1.) What country do you come from? Let me first apologize and ask you not to hold it against me. Then, I’ll tell you.

Ok. Ready?

*whispers* The United States.

Sorry about our president. 

2.) What irrational fear do you have? Parking. Specifically, parallel parking. And it’s become a problem living in a bigger city. See, I almost didn’t get my license because my parallel parking was so bad. I had to be at least a foot off the curb. It was embarrassing. And I’ve literally never had to parallel park since then, almost 30 years now. Well, there was that one time I had to, but luckily my sister was with me and I just got out of the car and let her handle it.

3.) What facts are you resigned to? No matter how many YouTube tutorials I watch, I will always make myself look like a drunk raccoon when I attempt a smoky eye.

I will always be at least 7 1/2 pounds overweight, but still think I can fit into a size 6 pair of jeans.

Love doesn’t always win.

4.) Name a food you love that most people hate.  Snails. They are freaking fabulous.

5) What is your dream destination? The Trinity College Library in Dublin, Ireland cause helllllooooooo, look at this place!

Trinity college library

Look at all the damn books! I think I just had an orgasm.

6) Why did you burst out laughing in a meeting on Thursday? Well, given the fact that I don’t work outside the home and therefore I don’t have meetings, I really have no idea. I do homeschool my son and, him being at least a fourth generation smartass, I’m sure he probably said something that cracked me up when we were doing schoolwork. I’d share our conversations about the skeletal system with you, but you might call the authorities on me, so I’ll skip that.

7) What is your favorite movie? That’s a tough one. I have lots of favorite movies for lots of reasons. Goodfellas because, duh, Goodfellas. The Babadook because it’s the first scary movie I loved and I only loved it because my kid made me love it. Monty Python and the Holy Grail because it’s genius. The Notebook because it’s sappy and awful and people hate it, but I lap it up like water after a running an ultra marathon in the Gobi Desert. But if I had to pick one favorite, the ultimate favorite, the one I’d watch again and again and again. That would be Coal Miner’s Daughter. Cause goddamn Sissy Spacek is magic.

8) What crazy thing did you do on Friday night? Girl. Have you met me? I had a glass of wine, watched some trash TV, and went to bed at 10. Like I do EVERY. DAMN. NIGHT.

9) Are you happy with your current life?  I don’t know. I mean, I’m alive. I have a lovely family. I have a roof over my head. There’s food in the fridge, cheesecake even. I suppose it’s not a bad life. But I’m pretty sure it would have been a much better life had I won the $1.5 billion (with a b, motherfucker) Mega Millions lotto prize. Then, I could sit around all day in couture and criticize the way the maid loads the dishwasher.

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Oh, regular person, that bowl is clearly labeled top rack only. Are you blind?

10) Do you have any new and interesting bathroom stories? Well, I did spend a year on oral chemo. Have I got some tales to tell! But I’ll spare you those. I do have one interesting bathroom story. It happened on a cold and snowy night at college pizza joint somewhere in Ohio. There were shots, so many shots, of tequila. I don’t remember much more than me being facedown on the bathroom floor of said pizza joint and me later falling facedown in a pile of snow as my friends were dragging me back to their apartment. So really, it’s not an interesting story, but it is a bathroom story.


 

This is the place where I’m supposed to nominate people and have them answer the questions, but if you know me you know I don’t do that because I’m a rebel. Well, I’m really not a rebel. I’m lazy. And I’m a people pleaser too. And I could never narrow it down to the five or ten blogs I’m supposed to or whatever because I really don’t know the rules of this thing.

But really anyone could do it and everyone should because it’s fun. And just tell them I nominated you. I’ll keep your dirty little secret. So, here are the rules, I think: You are required to answer questions 2-5 and 8-10, but you make up questions 1, 6, and 7. Go on, do it!

But even if you don’t do it, you should still read My Dang Blog. You won’t regret it.

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