If you’re a blogger like me you tend to take this writing thing very, very seriously. Stiff upper lip, starched collar, and all that nonsense. You do your research. Edit until your eyes bleed. Connect with other serious bloggers. And you definitely don’t follow a blog simply because it has the name of your preferred liquor in the title.
Ok, well maybe you do that once. Just once! It happens to the best of us.
I did. In a moment of weakness, I assure you. No, I wasn’t drinking gin at the time. You might think I was, if you believe the old wive’s tale that it causes its drinker to become a weeping mess.
No, my thinking wasn’t clouded. It was just a momentary lapse in judgement. And, I don’t know what happened, why I never unfollowed Lorna and her boozy blog, but I’m quite glad I didn’t. Because now, as I did with Phil and with Emily, I can take Lorna down. But not just for the selfish purpose of gaining my own blogging supremacy. Just like Lorna’s Gin & Lemonade, there’s a twist. This time, I’m out to save the world.
These are the 5 reasons you shouldn’t be reading Gin & Lemonade.
Reason #1 – Lorna, for some unknown reason, hates the word lovely
Some may call my use of the word compulsive, pathological even, and I don’t argue the point. I like it. Sue me. I’ve received some flack over time from various people about it. It’s an antiquated word. Condescending. Trite. And no one has mocked me about this more than Lorna. Well, you know what, LORNA and everyone else? You can bite me. I like the word lovely. I’m going to continue to use the word lovely. It’s not going away. In fact, I’m going to use it all the freaking time now! GO READ LORNA’S BLOG! IT’S REALLY LOVELY! SO IS LORNA! AN ABSOLUTELY LOVELY HUMAN BEING! LOVELY! LOVELY! LOVELY!!
Reason #2 – Lorna is planning to take over the world
Gin & Lemonade has been around for eight (8!) years. In people years that’s like 110. So, perhaps Lorna is some sort of alien pretending to be a human because how else do you explain someone creating blog content for 110 years? You can’t. So, yeah, she’s an alien. And why would an alien be writing on the world wide web for 110 years? Because they are planning on taking over the world?! Right?! Come on, folks! Do I have to spell it out for you? It’s so obvious!
And nothing proves Lorna’s devious plot more than her posts detailing her extensive blogging knowledge. She has many posts devoted to sharing her alien blogging prowess. She’s written about the basics of blogging here and here. You want to dig a little deeper? Go self hosted? She’s got you covered there. Need to master the game of Pinterest? She can even help you with that. All you have to do is click here. I’m sure all those posts are for her other alien friends who are helping her take over the world, but you might be able to get something out of them too.
Reason #3 – Then there’s…..the group
The second tier of Lorna’s alien global blogging domination is her Facebook group, Blogging & A Beverage. Lorna’s group, a companion to her blog, is more than a blog share group. It’s a community, a support system. At times, a party. For aliens, of course. Aliens that are hellbent on world domination. I’m a member, but only for practical purposes. Keep your friends close, your enemies closer. Am I right? Which is why you should join. I can’t defeat the aliens all by lonesome.
Reason #4 – Like, she’s the worst writer, like ever
You’ll recall I found Lorna’s blog because I got sidetracked by the gin. Then, even though she mocked my usage of the word lovely, I stayed to defeat the aliens. I’m a giver, folks. Well, in between all that insanity I discovered that Gin & Lemonade contains perhaps the worst writing the internet has ever seen. Whether the subject is parenting or self-care or just sitting down with us for a cup of joe, Lorna’s words are the exact opposite of perfectly woven and powerfully evocative. Dare I say it, they’re lovely. And you should click on all those links and see for yourself that aliens can’t write their way out of a wet paper bag.
Reason #5 – She’s real
Despite being a nefarious alien overlord disguised as a prolific blogger, Lorna and her words are the real deal. Frankly, I can’t stand that about her. Who needs authenticity in a world of Botox and Snapchat filters? Not I, that’s for sure. And the three most honest, and therefore most irritating, posts are My Flat Ass: What Disability Means To Me, I’m Not Angry Enough, and That’s Just How I Roll: Thoughts On Inspiration. You certainly shouldn’t read those. Just go ahead and watch a Kardashian do something trivial.
So, there you have it, the evil blogging underbelly EXPOSED. And now you have a job to do, that just might save the world. Follow Lorna’s blog, Gin & Lemonade. And while you’re at it, follow her Facebook page and her Instagram, Twitter, and Pinterest accounts too. Just to be safe, join her blogging group. I can’t be the only one to stop her world domination. Do it, dear readers. The fate of the world as we know it rests upon your shoulders.