It would be me. Or would that be I? And would that were be a was? Like, is the title of this post supposed to be If Ever There WAS A Best Overall Blogger It Would Be Me? Or I? My sister is an English teacher. I’ll call her later and ask for clarification. Anyhoooooo……..
I’ve been fortunate enough to be nominated for Best Overall Blogger 2018 and I need your votes to help make my blogging dreams come true. I plan on laying out a compelling argument for why I deserve said award, but if you just want to skip to the voting part you can click on this link, find the name of my blog (I’m Sick and So Are You), push the little button thingy next to it, then hit Vote and you’re done. You don’t have to ever read my blog again. I’m cool with that. No hard feelings.
Those of you willing to stick around for the compelling evidence I have to offer, please take a seat and get ready for the thrill ride of your lives.
First, let’s define Best Overall Blogger. According to the Annual Bloggers Bash Awards, the best overall blogger:
- Excels in a variety of categories – Uh, yeesh. EXCELS. That’s a very strong word. I’m sure I don’t suck in a variety of categories. Does that help?
- Provides excellent content – I don’t mean to brag, but that post I wrote about the spider living in the closet of our apartment was pretty damn funny. And, it came with original artwork, so I don’t know how it gets much better than that.
- Is sociable and engaging with readers – Are we supposed to do that? Shit. I didn’t know. When my readers piss me off I write entire passive aggressive blog posts about them (like this one).
- Shares other posts – Uh, no. Why would I do that? I’m in this for me. I’m not supporting my competition. I’m bringing them down, like Phil and Emily.
- Has a writing style that keeps you coming back time and again – I don’t even know if I have a writing style, let alone one that keeps people coming back.
- Is head and shoulders above the rest – Well now you’re just being impossible. But if we’re keeping score here, this post did get Discovered.
So, now that I’ve actually looked at what it takes to be Best Overall Blogger 2018, I kinda don’t know if I deserve the award. But, I really, really, really want it. And, if there’s one thing I’ve learned from having a rare tumor, it’s that pity is a means to an end. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve gotten something I want merely by uttering the words, I have a tumor. It was even better when I was on chemo. I have a tumor AND I’m on chemo.
Unfortunately for me, the tumor has been stable and I’m NOT on chemo. So, I can’t distract you with that. Luckily, though, there are so many other awful things going on in my life that, if you add them up, are almost as traumatic as having a rare tumor and taking toxic meds. Altogether, this list should elicit enough sympathy from you that you’ll be willing to vote for this blog over all the other blogs in my category and crown me Best Overall Blogger 2018.
- I’m very clumsy
- I can’t eat dairy
- I’m going through a weird hair thing right now
- It’s springtime and my nose has been really runny
- I have to wear glasses
- I sometimes have insomnia
- I have a hangnail
- I really need to paint my toenails but I don’t really feel like it right now
- I had to drink lukewarm coffee this morning
- My cat is an asshole
- I don’t have a lot of Twitter followers
- For some reason my DVR won’t record my shows anymore
- I lost my favorite pen somewhere
- My skin has been really dry lately
- I’m allergic to shrimp
- I’m almost out of Post-It notes
So, as you can see, life is incredibly difficult for me these days and nothing would make up for that better than YOU voting for ME in the Annual Bloggers Bash Awards. Just click this link here. The very first category is my category, Best Overall Blogger 2018. Click the button next to I’m Sick and So Are You, click vote and then you’re done and my life is saved and all is well with mankind. Really, it’s a vote for you. You’d be a fool not to do it.
*Featured image courtesy of Pixabay