This is my 100th post at I’m Sick And So Are You. To honor this stupendous blogging milestone I wanted to do something special. I wanted to honor you, my fellow bloggers. So, I drank copious amounts of coffee, stayed up way too late, combed the internet for ideas and realized I really didn’t want to honor my fellow bloggers. Frankly, it’s bad for business. I think you should only be reading my blog because, in the words of our president, “I’m very greedy. I’m a greedy person. I shouldn’t tell you that, I’m a greedy – I’ve always been greedy.”
So, instead of building other blogs up, I’m going to show you why you shouldn’t be reading them. In what will be a regular series, I will take down my competition one by one until I achieve ultimate blogging supremacy. And, today we start with The Phil Factor. Here are the five reasons why you should absolutely, positively not read The Phil Factor:
Reason #1: It’s like he thinks he’s a writer or something – For those of you that aren’t familiar with The Phil Factor, it’s been around since 1949* which is way before the internet and even way before Phil himself. I don’t know how he’s done it. Perhaps voodoo? He’s also written four, yes four, books (you can find all of them on his Amazon page). I’ve read his latest book, Time To Lie, and I actually enjoyed it. Who does this guy think he is?
Reason #2: He only loves two things, booze and ties – Those of you who follow him on Instagram know what I’m talking about. As far as I can tell, Phil only has two hobbies, drinking and wearing funny ties. I’m no expert, but I would imagine the former is responsible for the latter. If you don’t follow him on Instagram already you should do so now. There are years worth of questionable tie choices just waiting for you to mock.
Reason #3: He fancies himself a psychic – Phil correctly predicted Kate Middleton would have twins back in his 2017 psychic post and, I’m sure, now considers himself a modern day Nostradamus. In his 2018 post he predicted that the earth would not end and we all know that isn’t true. The earth is going to take one for the team and commit suicide to finally rid us all of Donald Trump. See, I can be a psychic too, Phil.
Reason #4: This blog post of his definitely isn’t any good and it certainly isn’t the one that made me a fan – In March of last year, Phil wrote a blog post that was just awful. The worst, I tell you! It’s not just a post about music. It’s a post about how, throughout his life, music has been the thread that has connected him to his father, his son, his friends. It’s a post about love in its purest form and it’s just awful. Terrible! You really shouldn’t go read it here at this link that I’ve provided for you to click on and have thoughtfully made it to open up in another window so you can still continue reading this post after you read that post and I’m not crying, you’re crying!
Reason #5: Phil is an overall nice guy and if that isn’t bad enough he drinks decaf- I’ve gotten to know Phil over time and he’s kind of a nice guy. It’s really disturbing. I wrote a guest post for him and he was genuinely supportive about the whole thing. Yeah, thanks Phil, but the internet has enough freaks. You can go home now. Oh, and he hates fall and drinks decaf coffee. Decaf. DECAF.
So, as you can plainly see, I’ve laid out numerous reasons why you should never ever ever read The Phil Factor ever again. There’s no need to go check out his blog and follow it or like his Facebook page or follow him on Twitter or Instagram. And, you definitely should not check out any of his books on Amazon, all of which are reasonably priced so you have no reason not to buy one or two or all of them. In short, stay away from Phil entirely. It’s just bad stuff. Bad, bad, bad, bad, bad.
*Obviously Phil’s blog has not been around since 1949. That would be preposterous. It’s actually been around since 1937.**
**Ok, that’s a lie. I have no idea how old Phil’s blog is, but it’s really old.