My Spam Cup Runneth Over

We’re not even two weeks in and my brain is so NaNoWriMo addled I can’t complete a thought let alone a sentence. So, you can be damn sure I can’t write an entire blog post. Well, that’s a bit of a lie. I did a guest post over at Gin & Lemonade. It was pretty funny, if I do say so myself, and my husband (maybe kinda) deserves a teeny, tiny bit of credit for that. So, you might want to check it out.

All that aside I still have my very own blog to tend to and you, my loyal readers, will stand for nothing less than fresh content. Well, tough shit, loyal readers. I’m tired. I’m tired and I’m busy. I’m also easily distracted by bad T.V. and I’m spending a decent amount of time writing what is turning out to be a fairly mediocre novel. But I do have some spam, if you’re interested.

It’s not much. I’m normally inundated with the stuff, but lately WordPress must be battening down the comment hatches. I only get one or two here or there. But what I lack in quantity I can surely make up for in quality. There’s some good stuff this go around. For instance:

 

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good comment

I’m actually not sure if this is spam or just a truly lazy commenter. This comment was left on my 900 Miles And 60 Hours post, which could have at least garnered a “great post” comment. Sure, it wasn’t To Kill A Mockingbird or anything, but it was funny and a little bit sweet. And, would it kill you to capitalize the first word of your sentence? Punctuation, ever heard of it? This isn’t English class, but geez, you only wrote two words! Hit the shift button and use a period once in a while, boo.

 


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Greetings, sharer of my DNA.

Since my relatives are a bit of a dysfunctional bunch there’s no way to know if this is an actual family member of mine. I’m guessing, since it’s so complimentary, it’s not from one of them. This gem was left on my Dear Commenter X, post which, I have to tell you, really was great written and came with almost all significant infos. I tried super hard to fit in every single significant infos, but even the best of us fall short sometimes. Also, this commenter appears to have suffered some sort of stroke at the end there and I really hope they are okay.

 


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And I like to write an entire blog post to make fun of you. Clearly you are the better person here.

This comment was left on my Ten Somewhat Motivational Quotes post. Oh, excuse me, my article post, whatever the hell that is. It also included a link. I suppose this person thought I was going to fall for their little scheme, be distracted by the ego boost, and click on their link. Little do they know my husband works in cyber security and has taught me never to click on questionable links. He’s also taught me to never open any of my emails or have any social media accounts and that everything is hackable and we’re all going to die. He’s a ray of sunshine, I tell ya.

 


 

 

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Covfefe!

This was another spam found on Dear Commenter X, which apparently attracts spam comments like moths to a flame. That post was about how stupid The Secret is. Maybe all my negative talk about The Secret drew all this spam towards me. Holy shit, The Secret actually works, y’all. Also, is Farmville even a thing anymore? Do people still do that?

 


 

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Ssundee? How do I pronounce that? Like Sussudio?

Look, I’m the first to admit it’s been a little dead around here lately. I’ve had two consecutive months with dwindling stats, but is it really necessary to rub that in? Just let me get through NaNoWriMo, then Thanksgiving and, oh man, Christmas is right around the corner after that. Okay, let me get to 2018 and maybe I’ll have some ‘fresh posts’ for you, asshole.

 


 

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Holy hell, you might want to cut back on the energy drinks. 

This comment was left on my ode to autumn, Fall, Allow Me To Introduce Myself. Now I have read all sorts of nonsensical Antifa conspiracy theories, but this is the best one yet. Threatening to sue me for slandering a season? Is that even possible? Is the ACLU in on this? For 44 straight years I bitched and moaned about the Florida heat. Can they come at me retroactively? Is there a statute of limitations on shit talking the weather?

And I just have to ask, what’s with all the random letters? Is that some sort of code? Maybe I’m supposed to take out every third letter and it makes a word and that’s where I’m supposed to send my multi-millions that they’re going to sue me for. Oh, but wait, I don’t have multi-millions. Yikes. I have a stack of Bed Bath & Beyond coupons on the kitchen counter. How bout I give you those and we call it even? j l m d f.

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