Like any sane, rational, and completely not morbid human being would do, I kept a roadkill tally on my weekend road trip. During the 450 miles I drove to visit my daughter at college and the 450 miles I drove to get back home I counted ten dead deer. To be exact, 9 whole deer, 1 deer head and 1 deer torso. The head and the torso were found in completely different states, but I’m just going to go ahead and count them as one whole deer.
Some other things I counted during my weekend away:
- At least a half dozen grande soy lattes. My name wasn’t spelled properly on any of them.
- Sadly, only one small bag of Skittles. I’m disappointed in myself.
- Easily 15 people that have no idea how to navigate a highway onramp.
- Another 25 or so that don’t understand the purpose of the highway’s left lane.
- Two prisons. Zero shock that they were both in Florida.
- One heart attack after seeing my daughter’s Halloween costume when she picked me up at the hotel.
- Two wardrobe changes before meeting my daughter’s boyfriend’s mom. What can I say? I was nervous.
- Zero problems with my daughter’s boyfriend’s mom. She was an absolutely lovely woman.
- One trip through a haunted house which resulted in ten years off my life.
- A couple of hours touring the campus of the college my daughter attends, which included only one statue selfie. I tried to keep the embarrassment to a minimum this time.
- One scary movie, The Babadook. I was thankful that my friend kept pronouncing it as The Barbadook with her New England accent. Took the edge off of things.
- One stupid movie that must have accidentally been placed in the scary movie section, Blair Witch (2016).
- 130 dollars spent at the grocery store in an effort to stock the pantry of a poor college student, including one serendipitous purchase of Bijou wine.
- Two glasses of wine and one deep conversation with my daughter’s genius physicist friend, a conversation in which he taught me the finer points of evolution and I taught him the meaning of the word kismet.
TwoThree cupcakes consumed. No guilt. NOT ONE TINY BIT.
- A couple of startling moments where it hit me that my daughter is an adult now, which I found both phenomenal and terrifying, but mostly phenomenal.
- Countless laughs and so many smiles.
- Not enough hours of sleep.
- Dozens and dozens of car duets with such musical artists as Jeff Buckley, Kendrick Lamar, Amy Winehouse, Alex Clare, Dave Grohl, Robert Plant, Loretta Lynn, Geddy Lee, Nina Simone, Sia, Tom Petty, and Jack White.
- More than a few funny looks from passing motorists.
- At least two gas station bathrooms that should be condemned.
- Zero regrets.