Ask Me Almost Any Sick Thing

Reddit has their AMA, Ask Me Anything, and I have my AMAAST, Ask Me Almost Any Sick Thing. In a desperate attempt to find something to write about, I asked you to ask me something, anything. I gave you the option of leaving those questions anonymously on my Sarahah account, which didn’t work for some of you. Not that you had moral objections to doing it. It just literally didn’t work.

I did get a few anonymous questions/comments on Sarahah and only three of them were spammy in nature. For the last time, NO! I DON’T WANT TO LOOK AT YOUR WEB CAM! And, I got a few in the comments section of begging, pleading blog post. Thank y’all for participating. You helped a sister out when she couldn’t come up with an idea of her own and she is eternally grateful, which is me. I’m grateful for you people. So, without further ado and emotional blathering, here are the sick questions you came up with and the answers I came up with.

• thebeasley, who just happens to have a spectacular head of hair and writes at Just Another Blog asked if I’ve done much before starting this blog. She also said I was good. So take that, naysayers. *sticks tongue out* The short answer is, as a matter of fact I have written before this. Basically I’ve been writing since I could pick up a pen. I was writing my previous blog when I was diagnosed with my tumor. And, when I was a teenager I wrote a letter that got me on TV. So, if any one of you still has a VCR and feels like digging through the trillion boxes I’ve yet to unpack to find that lone VHS tape which has the news segment of me being interviewed and probably also a few episodes of Miami Vice on it, come on over.

 

• Blair, who writes the hilarious blog The Shameful Sheep, asked which person I would choose to haunt after I die, with the caveat that it had to be someone I actually know. She probably said that because she knows I would haunt Donald Trump and torment him by constantly pulling off his MAGA hat and exposing his hair, which looks like a poorly taxidermied squirrel. Since I have to choose someone I know, I’d choose my kids and I’d litter their respective homes with dirty dishes, random socks, and empty candy wrappers to pay them back for all the times I had to pick up after them.

 

• A blogger I utterly adore, Traci York, wants to know what superpower I would like to have. Is there a superpower that allows me to eat marshmallows for dinner and Skittles for dessert while not gaining an ounce? I want that one. I suppose I could ask for the superpowers of boundless intelligence, herculean strength, or having freeze rays for eyes, but fuck that. Skittles! All day! Every day! Maybe I should just wish for willpower. Eh, that’s too boring. I’m going with the Skittles thing.

 

• Ellie, from Crossed Eyes and Dotted Tees, wanted me to plug her book. I told her to come up with a question to ask me and I would. I don’t think she ever did that, but you know what? I’m going to plug her book anyway because Ellie is one of my first followers and has been consistently supportive. She is hilarious and her grammar is impeccable, so follow this link and buy her book.

• The author behind Final Chapter – A True Life Blog wanted to know my stance on hunting. Assuming you’re not slaughtering an endangered species, skinning it to make a rug for your man cave, and leaving the carcass to rot in the midday sun while you drive away in your stretch Hummer limousine with your 5th trophy wife, I’m good. It seems to me that responsible hunting is probably ecologically and morally superior to factory farming.

 

• Teresa Miller was curious about my idiosyncrasies and my favorite things in life. As you can well imagine, if you’ve read a few of my posts, I’m a bit of a quirky bird. I’m a control freak when it comes to dishes. That’s not so much an idiosyncrasy as it is a survival mechanism. Really, I have to be, because my husband seriously cannot load a dishwasher to save his life. It’s bedlam. You should see it. Bowls stacked on pots, plates pushed together so nothing gets clean. The man has perfected the art of melting straws. He should be arrested for his egregious crimes and put away for eternity. Which leads me to some of my favorite things in life, alone time and complete control of the television. And Skittles. Let us never forget the joy of Skittles.

 

• bluerosegirl08 wants to know why I chose to homeschool my son. Well, first, it’s just a really great excuse to buy more pens. But mostly we homeschool because it works for him. If ever it doesn’t work for him, we’re open to more traditional schooling. Until that day comes, I just try to deal with people constantly asking me, but what about his SOCIALIZATION?!?!?!?

• The lone anonymous question I got on Sarahah was the one pictured above. I have recently been toying around with the idea of writing a fiction piece with a woman my age as the lead character, sort of a midlife crisis story without the bimbo trophy wives and overpriced sports cars. In a lot of ways, I identify with this. No, I’m not dropping my husband for the pool boy and getting massive fake boobs and botox, but I understand what it’s like to look up and suddenly wonder who you are and where your life went. If I ever write that book I guess I will have to dedicate it to my tumor.

Now, that’s all for the questions, but there was on single solitary piece of anonymous constructive criticism for me and it was a true gem. I don’t know who left this note for me. All I know is that I love this person and their unique brand of humor very, very, very, very ever so much. I am more than happy to take their advice because, as you know, I aim to please here at I’m Sick And So Are You.

 

 

*Featured image courtesy of Pixabay.