What’s In My Bag?

Been a little squirrely in the head lately, more squirrely than usual at least. My husband got a new job a couple months back and we’ve recently relocated to our new state. The finances are a bit snug during the transition. We haven’t sold our house back home yet and that means paying mortgage AND rent these days. We’re always paying off mounds of debt from my being sick for the past few years and the stress is building. It’s kinda getting to me, folks.

I was having a bit of a mental block coming up with ideas for blog posts, so I went searching for writing prompts. Write an inspirational post. Oh, yeah, I can just pull one of those out of my ass like I’m the goddamned Dalai Lama or something. Share recent travel experiences. I went to Rita’s and got an Italian ice. It was fucking divine, but I doubt I’d get 800 words out of that. Publish a manifesto. Huh? What am I, a cult leader? Share the contents of your purse. Is that a thing? To paraphrase James Comey, lordy, I hope that’s a thing!

what's in my bag
It’s a thing!

So let me get this straight, people are so put together and focused and organized and clean that they actually want others to see what’s inside their purses? And there are people out there that want to see the contents of other people’s purses? For what reason exactly? Inspiration? Envy? Laughter? Why is this going on? I’m so intrigued. All these years I’ve just assumed every other woman had tampons, chapstick, and empty lollipop wrappers in their purse just like I do and I don’t want them to see it. Hell, I don’t want to see it and it’s my purse.

All the purse posts seemed to be from perfect and industrious folks that run their own Fortune 500 companies or beauty empires. You may have already guessed that I am neither industrious nor perfect. I’m not terribly neat or fashionable, either, but who cares? The internet has enough of those people’s purses. I’m of the mindset that the internet could use more regular people purses. Mmmmmhmmmm, yeah. Take that fashionable people.

 

 

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First, the purse!

Purse: Purchased at Kohl’s, ripped right off the clearance rack after circling all the purses like a shark for a half hour and determining it was the least offensive to the eyeballs. I kinda hate it, but I bought it to avoid having to go to another store and look at more purses, so it’ll have to do for now. I think it was $30. About $20 more than I should have paid for it.

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I’m freakin’ Columbus with all these maps.

Maps: See how adventurous I am? I’ve got maps! We went on a trip to Disney before we moved here. If memory serves, we went on three rides at Magic Kingdom, all fast passes. It was so damn crowded there was even a wait for The People Mover. I’m a native Floridian. I’ve been to Disney more times than I can count. I’ve literally NEVER had to wait for The People Mover. It was too crowded to be fun, but the Dole Whips were worth the misery. Recently, we went to a local gold mine. We all struck gold! Specks of gold. Teeny, tiny, itty, bitty, specks. It was more fun than Disney and way less expensive, but no Dole Whips, so that sucked.

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I should have cleaned out my purse sooner. Free Starbucks!

Assorted cards and a friend’s high school graduation picture: The Disney cards make sense, our park passes. I just told you about that. The Marriott card is a room key. I tend to keep them as souvenirs, but then usually forget which trip they were from. Free Starbucks! Hell yeah! My daughter got this for being kind and patient waiting for her green tea. She gave it to me because I’m a big fan of coffee. See, folks, it pays to be the mother of a kind and patient person. There’s also a high school graduation picture of one of my classmates. Have zero idea what that’s about, but okay. Oh, yeah, and the business card from that guy that buys gold. I got it at a friend’s yard sale. I had no use for it at the time. But, hey, I wonder what he’d pay me for my speck?

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I think I might be a hoarder.

8,000 receipts: What is my problem? Why do I keep all my receipts? I think I might have a few of y’alls receipts, too. I counted 13 in that pile and then I found five more shoved in my wallet. The earliest one I found was from March 5. I bought 20 oz. of CHY KO at Wal-Mart. Don’t know what that is. Only paid $1.78 for it, though, so I think I got a good deal.

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Look what I found!!

A rogue dollar: Curled up in there, hiding beneath my phone like it thinks it can get away from me. I bet it didn’t expect me to ever clean this purse out, and who can blame it? Between this dollar and all the change in my wallet and my gold speck I bet I could afford a large Rita’s Italian Ice! Hot damn. Watch out world, guess I am fancy after all.

*Featured image made on Canva.com.

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21 thoughts on “What’s In My Bag?

  1. Thanks for a morning smile. Just what I need today. But you should that I’m doing the proverbial laugh with you here as men aren’t immune from purse glut. I’m sure if I ever took the time to go through my wallet I’d find the same right down to the old picture. Except for the maps, although I bet I still have 2 or 3 1970 vintage gas station maps in my glove compartment even thought I’ve changed cars a dozen times since then.

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Hilarious in your dark way as per usual! My purse? Nothing much except lint and expired coupons. I’d have a dollar mushed up too, but for the fact that our Canadian government in its wisdom decided some years ago to do away with dollar bills and replace them with coins. (Because of the loon engraved on the back – it’s our national bird, dammit – we call it, affectionately, a loonie.)(🙄)

    BTW what’s a “dole whip”?

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Dole Whips…my daughter and I tried to make them. I don’t think they turned out right. My daughter went to Disney her junior year with her marching band and raved about them.
    A rogue dollar really brightens my day!

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Hi, Got to your blog via the blog party! Super funny about the purse. When my niece was 4 she would ask What’s in your bag? And we would go thru it. We were taking walk now that she is 17. She asked me if I had water and a banana in my bag! I said…yes! She said I knew it. Been carrying the same stuff in my bag for her entire life. I may have to right a post sometime about my bag…fun idea! https://unbreakablejoyintuitiontales.com/

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Thankfully, I don’t suffer from writers block very often. On those occasions when I do, I compile a list of interesting words with which to build a story around. The words act as a driver, it works well for me.

    Grateful for Susie and her parties!

    Liked by 1 person

  6. LOL at those receipts. I can relate. The contents of my purse wouldn’t be terribly interesting — in addition to the usual fare, I’ve got several toys, a crushed cookie, and a cute Star Wars pencil pouch that holds my checkbook and tampons.

    Liked by 1 person

  7. This is so great I can hardly stand it! Reminds me of a feature they used to run in Vanity Fair showing the tops of famous people’s desks. (There were only desks of famous people; I guess no one wants to see normal people’s desks, not in Vanity Fair anyway.) I remember this vividly because once they featured Lorne Michael’s desk. Mr. M is not only the creator and still producer of Saturday Night Live, but he lives ‘next door’ to me in Amagansett, or what passes for ‘next door’ out here. On Lorne’s desk was a photo of MY cat, Mango, whom he (Lorne) called ‘the world’s greatest cat, Steve’. Well! You can imagine that there is a story here. One with which I will not sully or clutter your comment section, because that’s SO not cool. But — back to you and your Purse Post — I love love love it, just like I love all your writing. In fact, I bet I’d love a post about the top of your desk. xoxoxo

    Liked by 1 person

  8. I’ve never been a big believer in buying stuff that holds my stuff, and even less of a fan of those who think that others want to see the stuff holders and the stuff they stuff into them. So I get you completely.

    And every time I swing by your delightful little blog, I feel like I’ve struck gold too… And no People Mover wait EVER!

    Liked by 1 person

  9. Yes times a million!! I love that you just satired the hell out of all of those lame, pretentious women who KNOW we all want to see inside their $7000 alligator cross body. I feel you on the receipt thing, but you are totally next level 😂😂

    Liked by 1 person

  10. If the receipts don’t end up in my purse, they’re in the floor of my car. A trashcan never occurs to me. Personally, I think people go clean their purses and stock them with appropriately interesting things before dumping them out to write these fascinating purse contents. I’m not sure if anyone wants to see the inside of my purse. At least I did get all the snacks out from the last movie we went to see.

    Btw, you make me snicker out loud. I like that. Dalai Lama.

    Liked by 1 person

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