I can’t eat dairy and that fucking sucks. All the yummy things in life contain dairy. There’s Nutella and ice cream and Reddi-Wip and cream cheese and cottage cheese and cheese cheese and that fluffy frosting that my supermarket bakery sells in individual portions. I mean, how amazing is the world we live in when you can just buy a tub of fattening sugar air. You don’t even have to mess with the cake part. You can just get down to business!
Truth be told, the fact that I can’t eat dairy is a gift from above. Prior to learning of my issue with dairy, I ate all the dairy laden things, and I ate them in vast quantities. It would not be unusual to find me on any given evening slouched in bed, muffin top creeping out from the growing gap between my tank top and sweatpants, watching trash TV while eating Nutella straight from the jar. Such a sexy beast! My body rejecting dairy, as horrific as I think it is, saves me from myself. This hacked up leg of mine doesn’t need any extra pounds of Nutella to carry around.
Not all dairyfied things are necessarily bad. Frosting gets a pass because frosting is the shiznit. It’s usually so damn sugary I can’t eat too much in one sitting. And, while I can’t eat the buttercream goodness they sell at the bakery, there are vegan options that I can consume straight outta the tub. For that, I am thankful.
I’m also thankful for you people and that’s why we’re here. Awhile back I wrote a post entitled, Spread Love Like Syphilis, where I handed out awards to some of the folks whose work I really enjoy reading. There are so many good blogs out there that deserve fake awards I couldn’t stop at just one Spread Love post, now could I? These are not awards that make you do work. There’s no tagging, no questions, no nothing. I don’t need you to thank me, follow me, share me, or even read me. You literally don’t even have to care. I just wanted to let you know that, just like frosting, you and your blog are the shiznit.
The Blog That Makes Me Wish Twitter Allowed More Than 140 Characters At A Time Award goes to: Rachel Being Chatty. Every post is a hilarious literary amuse-bouche. Here, take a bite. And, another. Go on, it won’t fill you up like those heavy blog posts. This blog would be perfect for Twitter if Twitter were more like Facebook. While we’re on the subject, Facebook would be perfect if it were more like Twitter. All that social media nonsense aside, this blog just may be as perfect for you as it is for me.
The Blog That I Most Want To Sit Around The Campfire With Award goes to: Lutheranliar Looks At Life. Alice is a storyteller, and a damn fine one at that. She seems to have lived a lifetime and a half in half a lifetime. Every time I read a post I say in my head, ah just one more, Alice. Read this one and you’ll probably find yourself saying the same thing.
The Goddamn You Are Such A Good Writer Award goes to: Sean at Seanologues. The award was given this name because that was the last comment I left on his blog. I was so stunned by the caliber of writing when I read this post I was rendered incapable of forming proper sentences. It wasn’t the first time that happened and I’m fairly certain it won’t be the last. Take a gander at his blog and you’ll understand.
The Really Beautiful For Being Really Real Award goes to: The MIRACLE of the MUNDANE. There’s a lot of pretty blogs out there, perfect layouts, crisp photography, pinworthy headlines. Sometimes, though, there is no substance, no reality. Mark’s got it covered on all fronts, a blog that’s aesthetically pleasing with content that is often times astoundingly authentic. Read this post and tell me I’m wrong. I dare you.
The When I Read It I Snort Laugh And Embarrass Myself Award goes to: Hot Mess Memoir. When I laugh really, really hard I tend to snort. It’s just one of my many fantastic quirks. The last post I read over there caused a snortfest that lasted so long I think I lost consciousness for a a couple of seconds due to oxygen deprivation. It’s okay. I survived it and you will too, just keep your inhaler nearby if you’re asthmatic.
There you have it, a day’s worth of good reads just waiting right at your fingertips. I hope you enjoy them as much as I do and I do enjoy them muchly. For what it’s worth, all sarcasm aside, I truly appreciate these blogs for making me laugh, making me think, and making me grateful I came back to blogging. Now that we got the mushy stuff out of the way, get the hell outta here and go read.
*Featured image courtesy of Pixabay.