I Discovered My Life’s Purpose!

I’ve been sitting here staring at my computer for hours now. I have zero energy. I want to write today, but I have no oomph. So, I search for a little inspiration. I will sometimes take screenshots of absurd headlines or funny text conversations that might be the start of a good blog post. Let me scroll through my camera roll.

Cat, cat, cat

Funny meme


Cat, cat

Homicidal koala


Actual meme I made of an actual koala at an actual zoo that I’m pretty certain was actually trying to kill me with his eyes


Huh, what’s this?


Oh, yeah, that’s some bullshit right there.

I’d love to tell you that I was aware enough to remember that it was just a screenshot and that I couldn’t “click here to start” to discover my life’s purpose, but I can’t tell you that. Like I said, folks, I’ve got no oomph. I don’t even have an oo at this point. I figured I could Google “discover your purpose in ten minutes” and I’d find this thing and I’d take the test or give the DNA sample or do whatever it takes to find out what it is I’m supposed to be doing in life, but it turns out it wasn’t that easy. There are eight billion ways to find your purpose in just minutes!

Screen Shot 2017-05-18 at 9.51.24 AM

You can find your life’s purpose in 5, 10, 30, or ‘in around 20’ minutes. Lots of options for ya.

Now, as I mentioned, I’m a little low on energy today, so I sorta felt like I might doze off before finding my purpose if I went with the 30 minute option. That one was out automatically. Believe it or not, the five minute option requires me to watch a TEN minute Ted Talk video. Literally, no, dude. I have to be honest, I was really intrigued by the non-committal nature of the ‘in around 20 minutes’ one, so I clicked on that.

It told me that I was supposed to ask myself what my true purpose in life was and write whatever came to mind. I was to keep repeating that until whatever answer made me cry. Apparently, that’s my life’s purpose. Clearly this was written by a guy because I’m on my period now and pretty much every thought that enters into my head brings tears forth. I cried over the fact that I may have to take a test in order to get a driver’s license in my new state. Is that my life’s purpose?

I’m 99% sure this is absolute rubbish, but for the sake of this blog post I am going to do it! Ready? Here goes:



my head hurts

oh, yeah, the maintenence people are coming today to change the air filter

I need to shave my legs real bad

why does this candle smell like a baby wipe

I should probably make a cup of tea

fucking birds need to shut the fuck up

when the fish tank is empty it makes me sad

the cat’s a messy eater

I really, really need to shave my legs

it’s getting kind of ridiculous how hairy they are

shit, I forgot to go to the grocery store last night but it was worth it because RHONY was goooooooooood

poor Luann

Tom’s cheating on her and she just won’t face it

Ramona’s so weird

I wonder why she’s like that


shit, I forgot to time myself

how long has it been

eh, fuck it, I’m a writer

that didn’t make me cry, though

it did make me laugh

that’s gotta count for something

Maybe it’s me. I can’t focus. I’m tired. I need more caffeine. I didn’t sleep well last night. Mars is in retrograde (is that even a thing?). I don’t know. It’s possible this stuff works, but come on, really? I’m especially cynical about this one. It’s a sham. You’re life’s purpose isn’t just one thing. It’s a multitude of things over the course of many years and, like life, it’s ever evolving.

When I was a kid I thought my purpose in life was to be a veterinarian. And, I may have been right, I cry over animals all the damn time. Soon I discovered that it took many years of schooling and I would have to do unspeakable things to these animals I love so dearly. How could I live with myself if I had to stick a thermometer up a wombat’s ass? Tell me! Well, I couldn’t. So, my purpose changed and changed and changed and changed and changed.

And, for all the planning you can do in life, it just might smack you in the face and change your purpose yet again. I never could have imagined ten or even five years ago that I would be sitting in front of a computer in a state other than Florida writing about a tumor I didn’t even know I would have. You can take all the tests you want and chart whatever course you think you should be on, but in the end you never really know what life’s got in store for you. You’re purpose can be a fixed point you place on a map, if that’s what you really want. Who the hell am I to say it shouldn’t be that way for you? As for me, I’m not going to seek my purpose. It’ll find me when it’s good and ready.

*Featured image courtesy of Pixabay.

Today’s post is inspired by WordPress’ Daily Prompt – Farce