I Discovered My Life’s Purpose!

I’ve been sitting here staring at my computer for hours now. I have zero energy. I want to write today, but I have no oomph. So, I search for a little inspiration. I will sometimes take screenshots of absurd headlines or funny text conversations that might be the start of a good blog post. Let me scroll through my camera roll.

Cat, cat, cat

Funny meme


Cat, cat

Homicidal koala

Actual meme I made of an actual koala at an actual zoo that I’m pretty certain was actually trying to kill me with his eyes


Huh, what’s this?

Oh, yeah, that’s some bullshit right there.

I’d love to tell you that I was aware enough to remember that it was just a screenshot and that I couldn’t “click here to start” to discover my life’s purpose, but I can’t tell you that. Like I said, folks, I’ve got no oomph. I don’t even have an oo at this point. I figured I could Google “discover your purpose in ten minutes” and I’d find this thing and I’d take the test or give the DNA sample or do whatever it takes to find out what it is I’m supposed to be doing in life, but it turns out it wasn’t that easy. There are eight billion ways to find your purpose in just minutes!

Screen Shot 2017-05-18 at 9.51.24 AM
You can find your life’s purpose in 5, 10, 30, or ‘in around 20’ minutes. Lots of options for ya.

Now, as I mentioned, I’m a little low on energy today, so I sorta felt like I might doze off before finding my purpose if I went with the 30 minute option. That one was out automatically. Believe it or not, the five minute option requires me to watch a TEN minute Ted Talk video. Literally, no, dude. I have to be honest, I was really intrigued by the non-committal nature of the ‘in around 20 minutes’ one, so I clicked on that.

It told me that I was supposed to ask myself what my true purpose in life was and write whatever came to mind. I was to keep repeating that until whatever answer made me cry. Apparently, that’s my life’s purpose. Clearly this was written by a guy because I’m on my period now and pretty much every thought that enters into my head brings tears forth. I cried over the fact that I may have to take a test in order to get a driver’s license in my new state. Is that my life’s purpose?

I’m 99% sure this is absolute rubbish, but for the sake of this blog post I am going to do it! Ready? Here goes:



my head hurts

oh, yeah, the maintenence people are coming today to change the air filter

I need to shave my legs real bad

why does this candle smell like a baby wipe

I should probably make a cup of tea

fucking birds need to shut the fuck up

when the fish tank is empty it makes me sad

the cat’s a messy eater

I really, really need to shave my legs

it’s getting kind of ridiculous how hairy they are

shit, I forgot to go to the grocery store last night but it was worth it because RHONY was goooooooooood

poor Luann

Tom’s cheating on her and she just won’t face it

Ramona’s so weird

I wonder why she’s like that


shit, I forgot to time myself

how long has it been

eh, fuck it, I’m a writer

that didn’t make me cry, though

it did make me laugh

that’s gotta count for something

Maybe it’s me. I can’t focus. I’m tired. I need more caffeine. I didn’t sleep well last night. Mars is in retrograde (is that even a thing?). I don’t know. It’s possible this stuff works, but come on, really? I’m especially cynical about this one. It’s a sham. You’re life’s purpose isn’t just one thing. It’s a multitude of things over the course of many years and, like life, it’s ever evolving.

When I was a kid I thought my purpose in life was to be a veterinarian. And, I may have been right, I cry over animals all the damn time. Soon I discovered that it took many years of schooling and I would have to do unspeakable things to these animals I love so dearly. How could I live with myself if I had to stick a thermometer up a wombat’s ass? Tell me! Well, I couldn’t. So, my purpose changed and changed and changed and changed and changed.

And, for all the planning you can do in life, it just might smack you in the face and change your purpose yet again. I never could have imagined ten or even five years ago that I would be sitting in front of a computer in a state other than Florida writing about a tumor I didn’t even know I would have. You can take all the tests you want and chart whatever course you think you should be on, but in the end you never really know what life’s got in store for you. You’re purpose can be a fixed point you place on a map, if that’s what you really want. Who the hell am I to say it shouldn’t be that way for you? As for me, I’m not going to seek my purpose. It’ll find me when it’s good and ready.

*Featured image courtesy of Pixabay.

Today’s post is inspired by WordPress’ Daily Prompt – Farce


30 thoughts on “I Discovered My Life’s Purpose!

  1. Haha that’s life hitting you hard there. No need to worry, everyone of us is on the same boat. Writing it out really helps, a lot. I could sense the tiredness and frustration of life. Great write up. Have hope, write on!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. It only took me 60 years or so to figure out my life’s purpose. But first I have to say if I had been searching I would have done like you did and picked the guy with the answer in “around 20 minutes.” You gotta love the precise-ish. Where was I? Right, my purpose in life is to decide what I want to be when I grow up.

    Liked by 2 people

  3. I love your stream of consciousness in the middle there. Please, please shave your legs. Not for my sake or anyone else’s, but I think you’ll feel so much better! 😂

    On a serious note though, I think our life’s purpose is something to be seen in retrospect, rather than in advance of fulfilling it. You may already be fulfilling it, and may not know until you’ve got some distance.

    Great read.

    Liked by 2 people

  4. I think you missed the rest of the link’s title. “Discover Your Life’s Purpose In Around 20 Minutes – Or Not.” I think the “or not” part was kind of important here, lol. I don’t think we get just one purpose. I think we have a thousand purposes a day. For instance, your purpose in writing this post was to give me shit to do to avoid doing real work. It also reminded me of the joke I told at the beginning of my dad’s eulogy (because the word “purpose” reminded me of the word “porpoise”). And now my purpose is to tell you that joke to wake you up a little bit. See? Purposes flying around all willy nilly around here!

    A guy who works in an aquarium gets summoned by his boss, who is looking very worried. She says to him, “I’ve just been by the dolphin tank, and they’re feeling very amorous. They’re doing all sorts of things to each other. And the trouble is that, in less than an hour, we’ve got three busloads of second graders coming. We can’t have them watching those naughty dolphins. Now, there’s only one thing that acts as an anti-aphrodisiac for dolphins, and that’s the meat of baby seagulls. So I want you to go down to the seashore, catch yourself some baby seagulls, and hurry back. But be careful, a lion escaped from the zoo this morning, and though he was heavily sedated, he still might be dangerous.” So the guy takes a shortcut through the forest to the seashore. He gets some baby seagulls, and he’s walking back through the forest when he sees the lion, and it is lying across the path directly in front of him. It’s too late to run away, and the feline does seem very placid, so, summoning his courage, he steps across the lion. Nothing happens, and with much relief, the guy resumes his journey, when all of a sudden, a policeman steps out of the forest and grabs the guy and says to him, “You’re under arrest.” The guy can’t believe it and asks the officer what the charge is. The policeman says, “Transporting young gulls across a sedate lion for immoral porpoises.”

    Liked by 2 people

  5. Fab post again, Ms. Hairy! I LOL’d. You remind me of Seinfeld – the Show about Nothing? Okay, this post wasn’t about nothing, exactly, but it AROSE from nothing. Nothing but your addled-but-fertile brain. Keep on keeping on. It’s good for you, and good for us. ❤

    Liked by 2 people

  6. I’ve struggled with this one, too. I’ve come to the conclusion that not everyone has one and I may be one of he people who is background for someone else who has one. That would make my life purpose serving as back ground, I guess, which negates my point. Life is complicated.

    Liked by 1 person

  7. 10 minutes to find one’s purpose in life? I have been walking life’s road for 71 years and still haven’t found it. However I think you touched on it when yous said, “in the end you never really know what life’s got in store for you”. For 48 years of my life I truly thought my purpose was to be a good husband and father but God I guess had other plans when he took my wife and my children moved on with their lives. Then by a stroke of luck I found Alaska and lived for almost two decades in a remote cabin in Alaska’s Northern wilderness only to be dragged back to civilization because I no longer could physically deal with the labor involved. Now like yourself sitting in front of my computer where I can see the dim light at the end of my life’s road and wonder what will now be my purpose in life.

    Thanks for a truly insightful posting.

    Liked by 1 person

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