My birthday is soon approaching and it’s one of those whatever birthdays. Not because I’m feeling old, although I am, and not because my life sucks. My life isn’t half bad. It’s just that 44 is one of those years that nobody really cares about. It’s a non-birthday, like 37. Who the hell cares when they turn 37?
18, yeah. You’re an adult. 21, of course. You can get your legal drink on. 25, uh-huh. That’s Adultland right there. 30, oh boy. You’re officially “old”, that is until you’re over 30 and you realize you’re not. 35, yep. You’re almost 40! 40, certainly. I hear 40 is the new 30. Then you’ve got all the tens and fives after that and they all matter, but 44, eh.
I thought my world would crumble and my spine would shrink and my ovaries would dry up when I turned 40. I thought that when I was 20. The closer I got to 40, though, the more I realized that my 40’s were not going to be so bad. I tend to think that I have had nothing really significant to say until after 40.
My 40’s have been the place where I have really dug deep and figured myself out. I’ve determined I still have no idea who I am, but at least now I’m cognizant of that fact and, believe it or not, that’s a great place to be. It’s better to know what you don’t know than to think you know it all when, the truth is, you have no clue. I’d tell you to ask our President, but, sadly, he has no clue.
In all seriousness, I’ve learned a thing or two in life. Due to my severe obstinance, some of them (ok, most of them) have been learned the hard way, but a lesson learned is a lesson learned and far be it for me to withhold these pearls of wisdom from you. Without further ado, here it is, in no particular order, the list to end all lists.
44 Things I’ve Learned In Almost 44 Years
- Shaun of the Dead is the best zombie movie ever made, hands down. That is not an opinion. That is fact and I will fight you over it.
- No matter how much you think it’s a good idea, do not go hiking in cowboy boots. You don’t look cute when you’re rolling down the side of a mountain and screaming for your mama.
- That being said, do it. Whatever it is, do the thing you want to do. It is true, in the end you regret the things you didn’t do.
- Maya Angelou was right, when people show you who they are, believe them.
- If you are ever able to go back in a time machine and pick your birth order, be the youngest. Your parents will grow exponentially exhausted with the birth of each child and you will have it the easiest out of all of your siblings.
- Do not make big decisions under the influence of Sleepytime Tea.
- If you’ve never seen the sun rise over the ocean make plans to do so immediately.
- Never regret telling someone you love them.
- Spend many Sundays in bed with a good book and a great cup of coffee.
- Do things that scare you and know that it will make you a greater person.
- Take a small portion of your day to be silent, pray, meditate, ponder life’s mysteries, express gratitude, or be in awe of a beautiful sight.
- Give someone flowers for no reason at all.
- Bake a cake one day and unapologetically eat it for breakfast, lunch, and dinner.
- Forgive yourself for that thing you did to someone else.
- Forgive someone else for that thing they did to you.
- For the love of all things holy, learn how to parallel park!
- Go on the internet, find your favorite childhood candy, order a crap ton of it and send some to your oldest friends.
- If you find yourself wanting a pet, adopt one from a shelter. It’s worth it even when you get one of the nutty ones.
- Reach out to the person you’ve lost touch with.
- If you spent half as much time not caring what other people thought of you, you’d be eight thousand times happier.
- Try your best not to judge the choices people make. Even when it may not seem like it, most folks really are doing the best they can.
- Get thee to a body of water and dunk thy naked carcass in it, posthaste.
- Learn to savor the small moments.
- Never be afraid to speak your mind.
- Get a second opinion!
- Buy some beautiful stationery and some fabulous pens and spend an afternoon handwriting letters to people you love.
- Sit beside a fire and have a deep conversation.
- At least once in your life, tell someone to fuck off.
- Blue mascara is never a good idea.
- Be barefoot more often.
- It will be ok in the end. I promise.
- Fight for yourself.
- Life is too short for uncomfortable bras or shoes. Sometimes you need to splurge for the good stuff.
- If you haven’t had a kiss take your breath away then you need to get out there and start kissing more people.
- Don’t smoke cigarettes. They’re gross and they will kill you. If you smoke, then quit. We love you and don’t want you to die.
- According to my mother, life is not fair.
- In the immortal words of my father, give ’em hell, doll.
- Go on a long drive, just you and a stack of CDs you’ve saved from your youth.
- Never, ever, ever give yourself a haircut!
- Humility, as hard as it is to face sometimes, is one of the greatest gifts you will ever receive.
- Be just cynical enough.
- It’s ok to fall apart every now and again. I’d even go so far as to say it’s necessary.
- Laugh a lot, especially at yourself.
- Be open to the fact that there is something greater out there than your brain could ever imagine.
*Featured image made at Canva.
great list (apart from the jumping in water and bra bits, obv)
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Hahahaha! Thanks!
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Great list! Thanks for the follow – I look forward to following you too.
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Thanks!
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44!!!! Wow!!! How did you make it that far!!!!! Um, I’m talking about this fabulous *list*, of course. Your age? Meh. Ok, here’s the list i made over a year ago when I turned, yeah, 70. (wince) But don’t worry, you won’t have to read 70 items. U crazy, girl? Only 7. 🙂 Oh, and Happy Birthday! And oodles more!!!
https://crossedeyesanddottedtees.wordpress.com/2015/10/07/7-things-ive-learned-not-to-do-in-70-years/
Oh and also, just for the halibut:
https://crossedeyesanddottedtees.wordpress.com/2015/10/04/its-only-a-number/
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Thank you so much!
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I feel strongly that number 16 is not at all necessary. Does that qualify as cynical enough? Great post. I found that 40, which I was dreading, was no big thing. 48, which should have been easy breezy, was when things started falling apart.
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Ok, I’m only a few years off. I look forward to it.
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I absolutely love this list, although I don’t know that you can be TOO cynical 😉
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Hahaha! Thanks!
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A great list. I don’t think I had learned quite so much by the time I was 44. I’m not even sure I knew what cynical was.
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I think being so so sick recently has sped the process up. Half of the things on this list I’ve learned in the past 4 years. Illness has an amazing way of putting all the important stuff in order. Now, I just need to not lose that now that I’m well. Hahaha!
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Yes, things that disrupt how you expect life to be do make you examine what’s important.
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Lol I love this list! That said number 2 made me snort on the train so that’s not a good thing 🙂
Re the crap tin of candy, great idea, but it would never make it to my friends lol
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Beautifully brilliant, especially the part about Shaun of the Dead. I’ve never seen it, but I trust you so I will. I can easily say that I agree with every single one. Happy Birthday Christine! 🎂🎉
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Many thanks! And, for the love of all things holy, watch Shaun of the Dead.
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Don’t you mean for the love of all things unholy?
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Or for the love of all things undead.
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Have you seen Zombieland? That’s one of my favorite zombie movies
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I have. I enjoyed it. It’s no Shaun of the Dead, but it’ll do in a pinch. LOL!
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I’ll let you know when I watch Shaun
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I want a full report.
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Hi, Thank you for your encouragement and for creating your blog. I had a CT recently show what looks like a Desmoid tumor in my abdomen. I have appt. next wk and assume they will want to biopsy it. Gotta say, I learned a lot from your story. I will definitely be cautious of a decision of what course of action to take after reading your story. Thank you. It’s the first online item I’ve read that has made me laugh and be hopeful in the last couple of days. ❤
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Thank you so much for your kind words. If you do have a desmoid tumor I would strongly encourage you to go to the Desmoid Tumor Research Foundation’s website (there’s a link in my about page) and find a specialist. I wasted 3 years with my first oncologist. Everything turned around for me once I was under the care of a specialist. There is a group on Facebook called The Desmoidians. You might find it helpful to connect with other desmoid patients. I can tell you from experience there is hope and there are treatments available to you. I’m wishing you all the best and feel free to contact me if you want to talk.
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#4, 13, 20, and 39. Yes, yes, yes, and YES.
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